I guess angry exes can have that unpredictable kind of crazy that makes him so afraid.

It’s been fifteen days since I moved in.  Around this time in my last relationship I was sleeping on the couch and planning my escape.  I literally can’t wait to go home to him every day. 

OBVIOUSLY I’m aware I’m in the honeymoon stage of a relationship. 

Disagreements arise, opinions are argued, feelings get hurt.  Tensions will always emerge – whether it is over some petty issue that we create in our own heads, or… real issues that need to be talked through and resolved.  Majority of arguments come from expectations that we create that our partner doesn’t meet.

The best part of these expectations? We don’t tell them what they are… but are pretty infuriated when they don’t read our minds. 

I’m pretty open with my feelings because honestly.. I’m thirty.. and I don’t have time for bullshit. The only thing that we get in arguments about is his ex.  I understand that if that baby is his, she will always be a part of his life.

I accepted the situation, and the baby… I just don’t agree with how he’s handling things.  He’s SO concerned about all of his belongings because she has a key to  the apartment and needs to come and get her stuff.  I guess angry exes can have that unpredictable kind of crazy that makes him so afraid.  His biggest fear is her coming in, getting a rush of adrenaline, and ripping his TV off the wall with her bare hands (which is wall mounted about 8 feet from the ground).

In my opinion, it isn’t fair for her to not know the full story.  His reasoning for breaking it off is missing something… and in her head, there is room to squeeze herself right back in his life.  Meanwhile, he’s going grocery shopping with me, planning trips to IKEA, and sending me text messages at work saying things like:

I’ve been a lot happier in my overall life since the day we met.  A lot less miserable and angry.  Knowing you’ll be the last person that I see/talk to before I fall asleep, and the first person that I see/talk to when I wake up in the morning makes me feel really good.  I’m really glad we met.  If you’d let me, I’d like to make you this happy every day, for the rest of your life.

Well despite his efforts of keeping me a secret from her world, she found out. This is just a chronological list of events that took place last night:

  1. A friend of my boyfriends came by after work to grab food with us for dinner
  2. She made a Facebook status about it, and tagged me and my boyfriend
  3. His ex saw the post, and proceeded to Facebook stalk me
  4. After lurking on my page (and my page isn’t private) – she sees that he posted on my wall saying something like “you’re hot” with some flirting back and forth
  5. My boyfriend gets a text message with a screenshot from my wall showing him that she saw what he wrote on my wall and says something like “Are you fucking kidding me?”
  6. She makes a public post on Facebook asking the world how she should handle the fact that the person she is madly in love with got her pregnant, broke up with her, and is sending messages to all these girls while he abandons her… leaving her to be a single mom
  7. There are about 30 comments from people basically calling him a piece of shit human being
  8. She comments on her own status asking if anyone had a truck so they can  help her grab all of her shit from his apartment
  9. My boyfriend and the ex fight back and forth through texting until he tells her he’s going to bed and he’ll see her on Saturday when she has arranged to pick up all her stuff
  10. His friend who made the Facebook status is going into a full-blown panic attack for all the drama that she caused.
  11. I tell her thank you because I was pretty sick of being kept a secret

Well that’s that.  I did want her to know about me and now that she does… I guess I got what I wanted. 

I know he’s pretty upset with the way that it went down, but I think he is relieved the cat is finally out of the bag (or at least I know I am).

No one is responsible for your life other than yourself. It’s a hard truth to accept – but a good way to look at your life, and decide to grow the fuck up.

Well – it’s been about five days since I moved in with my new stranger, but I couldn’t be happier.  I haven’t heard much about his baby on the way – but boy, do I have many reminders of the situation.

Most of his ex-girlfriend’s things are still at his place.  It looks like she just left a nice nest for herself for when the baby comes. Just to name a few:

  • 3 small bureaus in the bedroom
  • A 55″ TV
  • Clothes hanging in the bedroom closet
  • A kitchen cabinet
  • 3 Rubbermaid totes filled with clothes and random stuff
  • Sheets and blankets
  • Dishes/cups/wine glasses
  • Little small baskets in the bathroom with toiletries and things

She moved everything she owned in one SUV car load in one day… but she’s been there about 4 times to move stuff out.  I think in total she took one mirror, and two of those foldable fabric storage containers.  The last trip I think she walked out with a pillow.

I’m constantly playing devils advocate with the situation – but at the end of the day, regardless of my existence or not, he has made it very clear that he doesn’t want to be with her. I know the situation sucks for her and I wouldn’t want to be in her shoes – but she made the choices that put her there.

She tells him that he is just an asshole and she can’t believe he is making her do this on her own.  He has explained countless times that he will be there for the child if it is fact his, and has even offered to go to appointments.

Why is it that when someone doesn’t want to be with us, they are automatically an asshole? 

This is a worldwide problem that needs to be resolved.  Just because you didn’t cheat, steal, or lie to someone you are with, doesn’t mean that person needs to stay with you.  When I got dumped by someone I did EVERYTHING for, I felt the same way.  To me, he was the biggest asshole I have ever wasted my time on.  Thinking back I realized that he didn’t owe me anything and honestly – I understand why he dumped me.  Could I BE any more of a door mat? So unattractive.  I would have dumped me too.

My point is – you can be a great person, with a lot of amazing qualities… but the person that you want to be with doesn’t need to feel that way about you You just might not be for them, and you need to learn to move on.

If I didn’t make bad choices (like trusting ignorant men, getting in credit card debt, and gambling away the savings that I had)… I could be living in a pretty decent apartment on my own with my cat by my side.

I may not be 21, single, and pregnant living in my parent’s trailer, but – you’ve made your bed… now you have to lye in it.   We all need to take responsibility for our thoughts and actions that lead us to our current circumstances.

No one is responsible for your life other than yourself.  It’s a hard truth to accept – but a good way to look at your life, and decide to grow the fuck up.

I just hope that if I choke on my food, I can successfully give myself the Heimlich Maneuver.

It’s easy to compare my life to everyone else my age. Everyone already made their “I’m officially a homeowner!” posts on Facebook or announced the coming of their second child in some cute, clever way.

Currently I’m a nomad just trying to figure out my next hot shower. I have family ready to catch my fall… and although my life may not be like everyone else’s, it doesn’t have to be… I’m in no position to complain.

As childish as it is, I still want to make them proud. I want to finally make enough right choices where they don’t have to worry about me so much.

Unfortunately it seems impossible to meet everyone’s standards.

My mom wants me to meet a nice rich guy that will take care of me. OK sure… point me in the direction of all the eligible bachelors with money just waiting in line to take care of me financially.

My sister is a bit more realistic. She just wants me to meet someone who at least has their shit together. Fair enough but… who am I to judge?

There just is not a lot out there to choose from. The phrase “there is plenty of fish in the sea” is so… much… bullshit.  The only people who actually believe that are the ones that are not on the front lines of dating misery. There may be many fish… but they are haggard, broke assholes who are afraid of commitment.  They may not be any of those things, but they are so boring and socially awkward, you have to wonder how many dead bodies are buried in the backyard or stuffed in their crawl spaces.

If the other half knew what it was like to be in our shoes, maybe they would understand how stealing someone’s boyfriend starts becoming an acceptable idea.

I know how ignorant it sounds, but, I’m a faithful side chick.  I don’t feel like I’m on the market.  However, I can only put up with that charade until it hurts too much to share (which wont be long).

If it doesn’t work out – I would rather be single than find a new boo by playing with Tinder or setting up a profile on POF. I would rather come home to six cats, watch Netflix, eat mac and cheese for dinner, and I just hope that if I choke on my food, I can successfully give myself the Heimlich Maneuver.