I just hope that if I choke on my food, I can successfully give myself the Heimlich Maneuver.

It’s easy to compare my life to everyone else my age. Everyone already made their “I’m officially a homeowner!” posts on Facebook or announced the coming of their second child in some cute, clever way.

Currently I’m a nomad just trying to figure out my next hot shower. I have family ready to catch my fall… and although my life may not be like everyone else’s, it doesn’t have to be… I’m in no position to complain.

As childish as it is, I still want to make them proud. I want to finally make enough right choices where they don’t have to worry about me so much.

Unfortunately it seems impossible to meet everyone’s standards.

My mom wants me to meet a nice rich guy that will take care of me. OK sure… point me in the direction of all the eligible bachelors with money just waiting in line to take care of me financially.

My sister is a bit more realistic. She just wants me to meet someone who at least has their shit together. Fair enough but… who am I to judge?

There just is not a lot out there to choose from. The phrase “there is plenty of fish in the sea” is so… much… bullshit.  The only people who actually believe that are the ones that are not on the front lines of dating misery. There may be many fish… but they are haggard, broke assholes who are afraid of commitment.  They may not be any of those things, but they are so boring and socially awkward, you have to wonder how many dead bodies are buried in the backyard or stuffed in their crawl spaces.

If the other half knew what it was like to be in our shoes, maybe they would understand how stealing someone’s boyfriend starts becoming an acceptable idea.

I know how ignorant it sounds, but, I’m a faithful side chick.  I don’t feel like I’m on the market.  However, I can only put up with that charade until it hurts too much to share (which wont be long).

If it doesn’t work out – I would rather be single than find a new boo by playing with Tinder or setting up a profile on POF. I would rather come home to six cats, watch Netflix, eat mac and cheese for dinner, and I just hope that if I choke on my food, I can successfully give myself the Heimlich Maneuver.

Author: livingwithastranger

I got an apartment with the person I was dating for less than a month because the cost of living was too high. I tolerated him for 17 days before moving out. A month later I got a new boyfriend and moved in with him - and hopefully...we live happily ever after.

2 thoughts on “I just hope that if I choke on my food, I can successfully give myself the Heimlich Maneuver.”

  1. I hope you never need someone to help you not choke! You are so right about so much of what you posted! That is exactly why my wife and I are so thankful that we found each other at 49 and 53 and neither of us wants to be left behind to have to deal with the exact thing you are speaking of. Of course, being young and having to deal with dating and potentially mating is so much worse than dating at an older age – I think. I hope you can be strong and not be tempted into another “Not right – I’ll just settle relationship”. My wife and I met on Match.com in 1998.

    I would be happy to share the best 4 words I ever wrote – the banner on my profile! Email me and I will send them to you – chucklindholm@hotmail.com Try and stay positive!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think late twenties and early thirties is a rough time to date. I have a friend who is 35 and divorced with 2 kids, and dating is SO much easier for her because she has a lot in common with the divorced dads with kids haha. I can’t really relate to single dads, nor do I want to be step-mom just yet (especially since I still look 20).

      In my age group, it leaves you questioning – why are they single? Then you get to play the game to find out what that reason is. Alcoholic? Mommy issues? Commitment phobia? Bitter from a bad break up and hung up on the ex? Serial Killer? The wonderful possibilities…


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