From the time that moving in with him became a possibility, to when it actually happened, I made sure to keep these facts private from social media. He would tag me in Facebook posts announcing to the world things like “Moving in with the love of my life tomorrow! So excited!”. I was so thankful that I had the ability to screen posts that I was tagged in, and made sure to keep it hidden.
How was he so confident on this working? Why did I have such a doubt that I preplanned a clean escape?
For those that did give me warnings and rolled their eyes in my haste decision-making – I have to admit that I was embarrassed to tell them how right they were. I mulled over the possibilities of keeping the break up a secret, but I don’t know how to hide the truth, and I also don’t believe in showcasing myself anything less than the truth of who I am.
I will always admit when I’m wrong. In this situation, I didn’t want to label my decisions as “wrong”. It didn’t work out – but, I’m glad I took the chance. This was my short-lived nightmare, and to be completely honest, I’m proud of myself for putting myself out there and taking the risk. I can sit here all day and think about what I should have done, but, without living with him how long would it have been before I saw those ugly sides of him?
I believe that a fairy tale romance could exist (or at least something very close to that). If I blow off every possibility of a happily ever after because of my long list of ex boyfriends that didn’t work out, then I will end up alone, or at the very least unhappy with the person I settled for.
Every boyfriend of the past served a purpose to my life and I don’t regret any of them. While I envy all my friends that are married and have their lives emotionally and financially stable, I know there is a percentage of them that envy my free spirit “I refuse to settle” attitude. For now, I envision the day I have a low-key backyard wedding with all my family and friends present – and them knowing that this time I found exactly what I was looking for and that settling wasn’t the end result.