Apartment shopping with him was like playing house, but in a way that we were so good at playing the part that we fooled ourselves. Whether we met up with a landlord we found on Craigslist, or made an appointment with a leasing office, the last thing I wanted was for them to catch on how little we knew each other.
For the people in my life that knew the truth, no one was short of an opinion on what I was doing. I welcomed all of them because in my head, I needed all these opinions to formulate my own feelings about what was happening. What I found was the amount of people who opposed my actions was equal to the amount of people who supported them.
“You shouldn’t move in with someone because of financial reasons. The whole situation has an extremely high chance of failure.”
“You are in the honeymoon stage where two people are on their best behavior. Wait until the ugly sides come out, lies stop being told, and you’re trapped.”
“It is most certainly a bad idea. You really do not know a person in 4 weeks.”
To all those opposed: I 100% agree with you. To argue financial reasons for moving in with someone may seem like a bad idea, but, everyone that tells me this has never been in my situation. When options are limited, rationality in decision-making starts going out the window.
Also – I would like to contend that no one ever really knows anyone. I was with someone for almost two years, and I found some disturbing truths that if I had known, I would have never said hello to him in the first place. I had a friend who was with someone for four years, to find out he was blowing a fifty-year-old guy for two years of their relationship. So, at what point do we trust what is given to us at face value anyways?
Maybe those situations are extreme, and maybe I became bitter from disappointments – but my point is, someone you barely know can let you down. It is much more painful when someone you think you know disappoints and betrays you.
With me diving head first in this serious relationship, it is liberating to know going into it that I have very little expectations. It is too often that I witness a person staying in a relationship because of contentment, or a long history of memories that makes it too painful to leave. If decoding the truth of who he is ends up being a disappointment, it will be a lot easier for me to say goodbye.